Archive for the ‘With Peanut’ Category

April 7, 2011

Oh Peanut, since you came into being I just worry about everything! My latest thing is that I don’t feel sick anymore. I was expecting to feel yucky for another couple of weeks still, and so now I’m worried about the fact that I feel good! Which seems ridiculous. But you’re so important to me that I just can’t relax. And then I worry that I’m going to hurt you by worrying too much! And people tell me I’m not going to stop worrying for the rest of your life.

Something to look forward to, I guess 🙂


April 4, 2011

Why is it, Baby, that before I fell pregnant I felt totally comfortable in shops full of baby stuff, but now that you are on your way I feel completely out of my depth? Maybe it will be different when I have a belly, and you being visible will make me feel like less of an impostor.

I wish I was skinny so I’d be able to see you sooner. And because I worry that I’m putting both of us at risk. I’ve lost weight since you appeared on the scene though. You’ve had me feeling sick for weeks, which has made it a little difficult to eat!

I’ve been spending a lot of time looking at names for you, and things I want to buy for you. I’m resisting the urge though. I’ll wait till we get a little closer to our birth day, because I’m still worried about jinxing us.

We made 8 weeks yesterday, little Peanut. That’s 1/5 of the way there, which is nearly a quarter, which is half of a half! I know its silly, but I want you here and huggable.

March 31, 2011

There’s been a lot happening, Peanut. We went home and told the grandparents-to-be that you’re on your way. Both your grandmas cried. Both your grandads were delighted. Everyone wishes you could just hurry up and come right now. Your Auntie Bonnie was actually pretty excited about you, and I think you uncles Jesse and Jack were the only ones actually surprised by the news. Everyone loves you already.

I’ve been busy trying to organise your arrival. I’m trying to get us into the birth centre so we ca have as nice an introduction as possible. Fingers crossed for us Peanut!

March 25, 2011

It should be a fun night, Peanut. Your Dad and I are making a quick trip south for the night to break the news of the impending you to both sets of grandparents 🙂 Everyone made it clear at Christmas that it’s about time you showed up, so we know they’ll all be thrilled to hear the news.

I do wish a little bit that I hadn’t found out about you while I had pink hair! It seems to lack the sense of gravity you deserve and doesn’t at all fit the fantasies I’d had about that moment. At least you can know your Mummy had pink hair to raise money for the Leukaemia Foundation.

My hair is nearly back to it’s usual red, a colour I would have liked you to share, but I think you will have your Daddy’s black hair. And your skin, I imagine, will probably be a lovely olive tone. But these are all just guesses, and as long as you show up safe and happy, everything else is just fine with me.

March 21, 2011

You’ve given me quite a ride in the last 24 hours, Peanut. I was very worried about you and went to the doctor today. The doctor sent me for an urgent ultrasound and the day went from horrible to wonderful- your Daddy and I got to see you for the first time!

According to the scan, you are about 6 weeks and 1 day old, which makes you due November 13, the day before your Uncle Jesse’s birthday. You are 5mm long and look like an orange pip, and your pulse was 111 beats per minute.

You looked healthy and complete and we came away today happy that there is nothing now to worry about, even though it is still very early. To celebrate I bought you a sweet little suit with a cute mousie on the front. I can’t wait to see you in it!

March 17, 2011

Listen up, Peanut- I’m showing you rather a good time and you’re not really responding in kind. Today you and I went to Wicked- a proper Broadway musical, just the two of us! And I took you to see the Chemical Brothers when you were only 1 week post-conception by my count.

In return, today you made me sick for the first time, and because of you eating is not optional- you need me to eat. But you want to eat at 6am! You wake me up ravenous by 6 every day lately, and I usually do my best sleeping between 6 and 9am! I thought I had 8 months till I had to give up my sleep ins.

Oh Peanut. I know its going to get worse before it gets better, but please be kind! I’m doing my best for you.

March 15, 2011

Well, today you are officially not my imagination 🙂  We went to the doctor, who said my blood test was positive, but we still don’t know for sure when to expect you until I have a scan in a fortnight. Safe to say, you will be arriving late in Spring, which sounds perfect to me.

You are starting to make yourself known. I now have sore breasts, sudden ravenous hunger, intense and immediate thirst and just the very beginnings of an upset tummy in that order. Nothing awful yet, although Jake is sure I’m in for some suffering. You’re worth it though 🙂

I caught myself internally referring to you as “she” the other night before I even realized it. A mother’s sense or something we will laugh about later?

March 11, 2011

Hello- I discovered you today! I sensed that you were there but didn’t trust myself to believe it. I came home from night duty this morning and I couldn‘t sleep till I did a test, even though I had to screw up all my courage to do it. Even though we haven’t been trying to have you long, the last negative pregnancy test was hard. You are wanted more than anything in our lives.

I’m so happy you are coming to be with us, but I’m already worried about so many things! I’m worried you wont last- by my calculations it can barely be two weeks since you glimmered into existence. I’m scared about birth, about being strong enough to bring you into this world. I’m worried about what you’ll find here when you arrive. I’m scared about my ability to be a good mother to you and all the selfish things it will cost me.

But I want you. Your father wants you. We can’t wait for you to grow big and strong inside of me where its safe and warm so you can come out and we can finally meet you.